As I sit in the National Equestrian Center this weekend, trying hard to be a supportive spouse, but about as interested in this “Saddle Boy” Competition as a toddler in church, I looked around and realized I was the only person in this arena who brought alternate forms of entertainment. I also learned THIS…
Fifteen Reasons I Can Never Be a Cowgirl:
- The only ranch I want to visit is on the salad bar.
- I don’t own any belt buckles that can also double as serving platters
- I was completely bummed to find out that a burro is not a deep-fried, chocolate burrito.
- None of the real cowgirls keep Doritos in their holster, but darn it, I hear you get hungry out there on the trail.
- Hay? Straw? Same thing, right?
- Wearing a wide-brimmed hat would totally obscure your view of these great highlights in my hair.
- Pretty sure there’s no wifi in Montana.
- I’ve never breathed deeply and proclaimed, “I love the smell of horse manure in the morning!”
- I don’t smoke. That’s not to say, however, that I’m not smokin’.
- It’s considered bad form to pull a 24’ stock trailer with a Honda Odyssey.
- To me, the term green-broke means I’m out of cash.
- Playtex cannot possibly make a bra with enough support for me to comfortably take the girls horseback riding.
- I once went to a movie I assumed was a British comedy, only to find myself watching Tobey Maguire on a horse. TeaBiscuit. That’s what I get for not wearing my glasses.
- To my knowledge, they don’t make open-toed cowboy boots.
- The only cow I care to ever rope better be served medium rare with a side of potatoes.
I also learned that cowgirls become mean girls when you call them “horsegirls”.