So…over the course of a single weekend I became legally blind in my right eye. The toddler and I were playing and being silly, and generally having fun jumping off tables and running with scissors when the fused fontanelle of Charlotte’s cute little cranium crashed into my delicate ocular socket. It was like the infamous iceberg against the hull of the TItanic (which shattered on impact, much like the lens in my eye). Tears of laughter and excruciating pain ensued. Mostly the pain thing, though.
After the collision, I excused myself for the evening with an “I just need to lie down” song and dance. Then I kept singing and dancing the same routine for several days. “I’ll be fine tomorrow. It will go away soon. It’s merely a flesh wound.” That’s just how I roll.
I always assume the _______________ (fill in the blank)
- chronic migraines
- dirty kitchen
- broken heart
- embarrassing gossip
- North Atlantic iceberg
will just magically go away if I ignore it.
It almost never does.
The Titanic took 2 hours and 40 minutes to go down. Took me several stubborn days. By the time I signaled SOS and had someone drive me to the optometrist’s office, I could no longer see the enormous E at the top of the eye chart.
Okay, so I could no longer even see the eye chart.
I was, in the words of Dr. M., “hours away from permanent blindness” in that eye. SCARED ME HALF TO DEATH. Apparently patience is not always a virtue. Sometimes it’s downright stupid. Next time I will signal for help before the situation becomes critical, as I have no desire to be scared half to death… twice.
Nine ophthalmology appointments, two surgeries, one pirate patch, seven prescriptions, three mascara-less weeks, and a few thousand dollars later and I’m incredibly grateful I don’t have to “see your face” with my hands. Especially those of you with oily T-zones.
So here’s what Aesop and I have learned from this adventure:
- Icebergs and toddlers are never as harmless as they appear.
- Going down with the ship is pointless when there are plenty of empty seats in the optometrist’s waiting room.
- Mom was right, if you have too much fun, somebody’s going to put an eye out.